dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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