i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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