I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
why is half of my head shaved?
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