her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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