yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize