You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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