I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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