well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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