i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
