i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
