Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
