This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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