I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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