is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
