What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
