you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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