I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
