if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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