my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
