So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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