I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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