Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
