My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
