so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
