So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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