Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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