youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
