can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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