doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
