Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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