Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize