i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
