it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize