No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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