If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
