I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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