If i come over, it means nothing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
