she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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