you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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