Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
