first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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