Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
