this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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