So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
