She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
