I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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