We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
