I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
