Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
