when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
