I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
