forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
