she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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