She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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