Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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