using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize