I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
