how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
