I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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