She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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