my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
