You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
