well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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