So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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