??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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