dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
