mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
