I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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