I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
