oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
